whales

Frank Lister and Bryce Patterson (or Peterson, now I am really not sure and too embarrassed to ask cause Bryce is really good with names) are becoming fast friends. It’s weird how you are looking for something but you have no idea what it is and then it kind of stumbles up next to you at a meeting and its nose starts bleeding. Creepy son of a bitch (really, he told me about his mom) was talking to me about some letters and numbers and work related words and next thing I know, I’ve got blood all over my hand and papers. This is what caused me to immediately suspect him in the blood smearing incident. It definitely made sense (at least in my head it did). A dude with chronic nose bleeds. Blood smeared on the bathroom wall on floor 14, the floor directly underneath the floor that you work on. This is a slam dunk (what am I doing, using sports references? I hate sports, except tennis and pro-wrestling and cage fighting). Did I ever tell you how I wanted to be a manager for a professional wrestler when I was young? Anyway, Bryce is not and could not for that matter be the blood smearer. Too much noise was clouding my head. I just have this feeling now that it is not Bryce. He is not a smearer. He is a dripper or a pooler. His bleeds are controlled unlike someone who would smear and mess their blood all over walls (and now stairwell stairs). They drip and then he cleans it up. He even re-typed my presentation after he dripped his nose blood all over it when we first started hanging out (hanging tough). Actually, we weren’t hanging out, we were working but it was kind of like hanging out. I think if there is music playing in the background and you are doing something with someone else then it is considered hanging out. Correction: One must select the music. It cannot be selected for you (like white noise department store music or trapped in an elevator pulse panic reducing music). A process must be used in order to select the correct music for the situation. There is an order and a way to do things. First a mood must be established. In our case we were looking for something anti-authoritarian. Then options must be displayed (usually in a neat vertical stack) and finally a selection is made based on a series of arguments about the merits of each album (purity, ability to stir emotion, backstory, etc etc) You know what I’m saying, right? The same process everyone uses to select songs to listen to. So since we were working a fortress of solitude (the file room) and there was no one else in at this time, we selected (from my CD envelope), drum roll….. Guns N Roses Appetite for Destruction. (Mr. Brownstone + multiple persons-alcohol=hanging out.) The hanging out didn’t last too long as Bryce, who is coming up for a promotion, was adam ant about actually get things done. Sorry. NO NOT WORK NOW! We have been hanging out a lot lately and it has been fun. Similar tastes (food, humor, music, movies). He is definitely more together than me but still he has his own monkeys (suckling on his back teets). I mean you already know he has bad taste in bars since I told you about our douche bag bar incident. I picked the next one as we went to Tattooed Mom’s last night (see my rambling post from last night at 12:33 AM). Drank until we were cross eyed. We cast bets on whether Ted would show up since we make most of our plans via work e-mail (is that really smart?) I don’t have another method (I know e-mail is free and easy but why do I want 2 accounts. That is 2 things that I have to maintain, remember I have a problem with obligation and the need to please everyone. I reply to spam (I have gotten some pretty nice things from this practice). He suggested we communicate through the blog instead of work e-mail in case someone is watching (and the guys on the 10th floor are always watching) (EXCEPT when someone is smearing blood on the wall, weird huh? Maybe it is one of those dildo’s!?) BUT I don’t really want comments on this thing (Or do I and I am upset secretly that I have gotten any and am just pretending to k=not want any-why are things so damn complicated?). See, the problem with work e-mail is that eventually everyone gets an e-mail accidently forwarded or read or deleted or replied to or replied by. It’s incestuous. Once this kid I worked with (he committed suicide, it was pretty messed up, day before 9/11) anyway, he once replied to an e-mail to one of our co-workers saying some girl was dumb because she couldn’t figure out something to do with a file. Turns out that e-mail got forwarded at the bottom of a chain of e-mails to THAT very girl. now the chances of someone reading the entire chain all the way to the bottom are slim but a well trained office worker does exactly that, she READ THE ENTIRE CHAIN. Very awkward moment when she stopped by to pick up her file from the kid. SO the point is, SOMEONE CAN ALWAYS FIND OUT WHAT YOU ARE UP TO (unless you know how to operate ) Unfortunatley for Bryce and myself, I think we have a hanger-on. Our temp Ted, the electric (sarcasm added here) seems to know exactly where we are going even before we do. So odd how he just seems to follow us around (or maybe we are following him). He’s always on the work team with us. Always working on the same project (or NOT WORKING since I always seem to end up doing his work). He’s like one of those sucker fish that sit on a whales balls, you know eating up the fish that fall out of the whales mouth. Ted is always on my balls (wow that sounds so bad that it must be immortalized in print, never to be deleted. My internet footprint is littered with shit like this), so TED. He’s always alone but always has a bunch of commotion going on around him. Examples: We were at IKEA last weekend eating French fries and in the corner sucking down meatballs was Ted. A little kid dropped his tray of fergenbleun (IKEA pasta) and then went screamiong through the cafeteria. Later I saw him laying on a bed reading a magazine wearing biker shorts. People were just standing there gawking at him. He was at the music store the same day we were (he was buying a flute (Bryce said it was a skin flute)). He started playing the solo from van Halen’s Eruption on the banjo (after he purchased the flute) He was at the Pissed Jeans show at the Khyber (click here to move through space, scroll down and take a look around). He stormed the stage, made an announcement about parking meters and then he dove off the stage backwards and landed in the middle of the crowd after doing some crazy corkscrew twist crap.   Went up to the bar after that and a guy at the bar (not BRYCE) had a horrendous bloody nose.   One evening, I saw him walking around in my neighborhood, just hanging out, watching people shoveling snow, smoking cigarillos. Again, commotion around him. This douche is an odd bird. I hate him. Oddly though, now every time I see him I can’t remember why I hate him so. It’s like he is starting to be entertaining to me. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to hang out with the guy but at least there is a level of excitement with him. He’s the type of reckless abandonment that you want to do LSD with. When he is around, I seem to draw a blank in my mind. Seems like Bryce gets a bloody nose every time he sees him. Anyway,  back to last night.   I head to the can at Tattooed Mom’s (a horrible experience if you have to file paperwork, luckily I did not) and the door (which is usually locked because it is seemingly perpetually occupied) is cracked open, lights out. I am stoked because I have to piss like a race horse (again with the odd sports-even though horse racing is not a sport it is a cruel way for humans to amuse themselves. Use your brains people. You run because you choose to, not because you are forced to. That only happens when there is a crime in progress either by or against you, you made a bad choice and are running late or you are being chased by a horse who is mad at you for making him run all the time (even when he didn’t want to). I’ll have to finsh this story later. Buzzer just went off.