Frank Lister has been feeling bad lately. The problem (besides the recurring sightings of blood on the wall) is that the one thing I want is the thing that I deny myself when I feel this way. It’s quite a conundrum that I get myself into during times like this. See I cut myself off from the world during these gray days. I put myself into a hole with a small lantern and a can of green beans and I leave everyone else out. The thing that drives me to create is to connect and I refuse to do that when I feel this way. It makes no sense. Then what ends up happening is I come to this realization and I come out of the hole. I come up with all sorts of reasons why I do this and come to the point of deciding that I am not going to do this anymore. It will last for a few weeks and then I will end up in the same spot. Quite stupid it is.
Bryce has been calling me to do things (along with TED, who apparently has worked his way into our circle). Can’t really call two people a circle, more like a line oif people. He has worked his way into our line. I guess that is alright. I really shouldn’t complain. I have to ask myself what is it about him that I don’t like. When I think of it, he’s alright. We have some similar interests or at least it seems that way since he usually runs in the same line as me and we end up at the same spots (just the other day I saw him at the library). Maybe I should just give in and welcome him. Maybe I need him. Maybe he needs me (not in a weird relationship way but in a weird friendship way). Maybe he would be different if he felt included in my life. Maybe he just wants to be my friend. Wow, I sound really sad and pathetic.
Anyway, depression, I am sorry to drop you off on the side of the road and leave you there but I am sure you will find your way home when you are ready and I am sure you will be okay. It has been nice hanging out with you for the past week or so and we sure had some good times. But, as with all things, the good times have to end for now and we have to get back to living real life. I hope this letter finds you well and I hope that we can hang out again at some point under different circumstances. For now I say see you later as I can’t honestly say goodbye. So, to conclude I say, my dark friend, we will see each other again when the time is appropriate. Until then I wish you nothing but good things and I hope you find someone else to spend your time with and that you have many good experiences with them. Thanks and so long.
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